Steven Baby
by luvcali76
Summary: A short, and dirty, holiday oneshot. Takes place the Christmas before JH get together. Naughty fun for everyone!


**Steven Baby**

**A/N**: A short, light-hearted, slightly naughty, totally out of the realm of possibility, holiday one-shot.

**REQUIREMENT:** You _must_ listen to the song 'Santa Baby' by Eartha Kitt when it comes on in the story (Go to Youtube). It is _mandatory_. If you refuse to listen, I forbid you from reading. If you read anyway, I will send the fanfic police after you, or just sit and frown at my computer, I haven't decided yet. But beware, it can go either way.

**WARNING:** Includes a potty-mouthed Hyde and a very naughty Jackie. If you don't approve of 'Potty-mouth Hyde' and 'Naughty Jackie'… go away. You don't deserve them.

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Forman's Basement

December 23, 1977

'Twas two nights before Christmas and all through the Forman house, not a creature was stirring except for a curly-haired rebel who was about to get a premature Christmas gift, literally…

"…_He puzzled and puzzled 'til his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!"_

So entranced was Steven Hyde in his favorite Christmas movie that he didn't notice, at first, when his best friend's girlfriend stepped into the basement and plopped herself down on the couch.

"Is Donna here?"

"Nope."

"…_And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day…"_

A brief glance in her direction revealed everything he needed, or wanted, to know. The girl was dressed to the hilt as usual, wrapped up in some heavy, bright red coat, her lips colored to match and her hair almost wild with curls falling in every direction. She was just sitting there, looking slightly glum as she gazed at the television set. And it made him wonder, as he usually did when she arrived… Why the hell was she here?

The moment he looked away, Jackie sighed and Hyde immediately rolled his eyes.

_Crap. _Where the hell was Donna?

Then, the little raven-haired girl sighed even louder.

"No."

Her entire body turned toward him instantly, but he wouldn't look. "Come on, Steven."

"I said no, Jackie."

"I need your help."

"Go find Donna."

"Donna can't help me with this."

"Then ask Kelso."

"I can't. This has to do with Michael, and I can't ask Eric cause Donna would kill me and Fez," Jackie laughed, "well I'm just scared to ask Fez. He'd probably explode. Ew, _literally_."

It was then that Hyde finally peeled his curious eyes away from the television. The boy had to admit, he was slightly intrigued, but damn if he was gonna let her know that. "What are you up to?" he asked her suspiciously.

"I need your advice."

He looked away again. "Yeah, I'm not good with advice."

"Yes, you are," she assured him with a smile, nodding encouragingly and shifting in her seat. "When I needed help with Laurie, you had great advice, and when Michael cheated on me, you always told me I could do better."

"You can."

"Steven," she whined with a pouted bottom lip. "Pleeeease. I helped you that one time when you had that crush on Donna. Remember, your six dollars…"

"Fine," Hyde grumbled, certain that her 'little engine that could' mouth would go on past New Years if he didn't give in.

Jackie's shoulders rose out of excitement and gratitude. "Oh, thank you, Steven! You have no idea how grateful I am!"

"Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Make it quick. The little Whos are all about to sing."

"Okay!" Jackie squealed and flew off the couch. The first thing she did was turn down the volume on the TV.

"Hey! I was watching that!"

Ignoring him, Jackie then shuffled elatedly over to Eric's record player and, to Hyde's surprise, pulled out an old record from her coat. "Alright, Steven. I was trying to think of what to get Michael for Christmas, you know, and I had to ask myself, 'What does Michael love most?"

"You got him glue?"

"No," she sneered. "Don't be such a bonehead, Steven."

As she removed the black disc from its sleeve, Hyde tilted his head slightly to inspect the laced up black leather boots that covered her feet and, of course, the fishnetted legs that rose up and disappeared underneath her thick wool coat. It was hard to ignore the fact that she was getting hotter and hotter every year…and dressing more provocatively, he might add. Damn. He was only a man, after all.

Startling him, she turned her head, and he looked up in time to catch one word fall from her shimmering lips. "Sex."

His blue eyes nearly popped straight out of his head. "Wait...Wha…What did you say?" he stammered.

"_Sex,_ Steven," she repeated, a little softer this time. "He loves sex."

"And you want sex advice from _me_?" The boy was nearly in a panic now.

Jackie scoffed. "God, no. I'm _fantastic_ at sex." And Hyde swallowed. "But there's one thing I've never tried, Steven." He swallowed again, this time with a little more difficulty. She spoke so sultrily and yet, looked at him so innocently as she set the record down and aimed the spindle that he about turned into one of those Star Wars geeks and ran right out of the room. "And I figure a lot of girls have probably done it for_ you_. So I need you to tell me if I'm doing it right."

The music began and Hyde's Adams Apple bobbed again as his best friend's girlfriend sauntered toward his chair. "I wouldn't wanna look like a fool, Steven."

"Jackie…I'm…sure that Kelso will…" She dropped her coat to the floor and not another word escaped from his metaphorically-dangling tongue as she posed and pitched her eyebrow high.

_Santa Baby  
Just slip a sable under the tree  
For me…_

"What do you think, Steven? You think he'll like it?"

His mouth set agape, Hyde nodded dumbly. His only movable parts, his eyes, expanded a little and slowly scanned up and down her festively decorated body. All that covered it, in all its toned glory, was a tiny red bustier, with black laces, and red lacey panties to match.

Hyde gulped. God damn.

The corresponding garter covered them slightly but not nearly enough, he decided as his sights narrowed in on the tiny patch of lace that sheltered the sweet flesh between her thighs.

_Been an awful good girl  
Santa, baby  
So hurry down the chimney tonight_

With an endearing giggle, Jackie turned around and placed her hands on her hips while she demurely peeked over her bare shoulder. "You like?"

All the boy could do was nod and stare at her ass. It wasn't his finest moment, he knew, but who fucking cared? Certainly not him. The girl was hot and had a _really_ nice ass. Hell yeah, he 'like'. He wanted so badly to smack that firm ass and make her scream out his first name.

But damn it all to hell.

He couldn't.

_Santa baby, a '54 convertible too  
Light blue  
I'll wait up for you, dear, Santa baby  
So hurry down the chimney tonight_

Then she wiggled her hips.

Oh, God. No wiggling. No wiggling! Too late, he thought, rather agreeably. Jackie was wiggling like a champ and now…Oh, God…she was swaying her hips seductively to the music, her hands buried deep in her dark hair. "Is this right, Steven?" she seemed to purr.

"Yeah…that's…right." Damn it. He couldn't think straight anymore. Her hips were rolling from side to side, twisting slightly and giving him Fezian-esque needs. Fucking Christ. This was the 'rightest' damn thing he'd seen all year.

The rising organ in his pants thought so anyway.

_Think of all the fun I've missed  
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed  
Next year, I could be just as good  
If you check off my Christmas list_

The sexy brunette spun back around and gave him a sweltering grin the moment her hands began to explore her curviest parts. "Steven," she pouted coyly, biting back her lower lip. "Do you think he'd like this?" Hyde watched in awe as all of her ten manicured fingers slithered upwards toward her chest until they were delicately cupping her perky, little breasts. As if that wasn't enough, Jackie dipped her hands back down over her flat, nude stomach. "And this," she added teasingly, slipping them down between her firm thighs.

Almost catatonically, Hyde nodded. "Yeah… that's… nice." He swore inwardly that he was gonna pass out from the frustration, or at least a severe case of swollen dick. God damn, this was torture. No, _worse_ than torture. Soviet guards in a Russian Gulag would have shown him more mercy.

Fucking hell, she was cupping her breasts again.

There _was_ a God.

_Santa Baby  
I want a yacht, and really, that's not a lot  
Been an angel all year, Santa Baby  
So hurry down the chimney tonight_

Hyde's breath hitched slightly as Jackie stepped forward and reached out to touch him, sending his nerve-endings into spasms when she finally placed a hand on his shoulder and slipped around behind his chair. He could feel her breasts and soft hair gently brushing across his back and his eyes fluttered shut, only to be shocked back open.

"Steven, honey," she sang breathily in his ear while she slipped her hands over his shoulders and down his chest, forcing a shiver up his weakened spine.

_Oh, God._

…_One little thing I really need  
The deed  
To a platinum mine, Santa Baby  
So hurry down the chimney tonight _

Dainty cheerleader fingers retreated back up his torso and swept teasingly over his lips on their way around his head. Jackie's sexy little body followed and ambled around his left side enticingly. Hyde wasn't prepared, though, for what happened next.

With stunned eyes, he watched Jackie step between his legs and position her chest in front of his face as she continued to move seductively. "Do you think he'll find this sexy, Steven?" she practically whimpered as she ran her hands through his hair, mussing his curls and pressing his head deep against her lacy bodice.

"Uh huh," he managed, fighting back the impulse to rip off her top and take one of her succulent little nipples between his teeth. Oh, and he knew they were, too. Fuck, they had to be. Because this is was all just too good to be fair.

Fucking Kelso.

Jackass.

_Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex  
And checks  
Sign your 'X' on the line, Santa cutie  
And hurry down the chimney tonight _

Up until that point, Hyde had obeyed the number one striptease rule: no touching. And it was slowly killing him, especially when the little minx turned around and swayed her hips from side to side, letting her thinly clad ass brush against his panting chest.

Hyde started to panic. He couldn't swallow anymore. The reflex had vanished, actually fucking _vanished_. Damn it. He was going to need a doctor soon. "How about this, Steven?"

Hyde wanted to cry as he watched her lower back roll and twist while her ass followed so beautifully. God, her skin was perfect, too. Tan and taut and so bare with her long hair sweeping across it, just asking to be yanked. He'd never noticed before how sexy this girl was and he had to squeeze his tempted hands into fists to keep from grabbing her.

Fucking Kelso didn't deserve all this.

Idiot.

_Come and trim my Christmas tree  
With some decorations bought at Tif-fa-ny  
I really do believe in you  
Let's see if you believe in me _

Simply to torture him further, Jackie lowered herself down onto his lap and finally put pressure on his aching erection. Damn it, she had to feel that, he thought to himself. She was grinding on it like a pro as she slowly lay back against his chest and dropped her head on his shoulder. God, she smelled sweet, like candy. Her arm slipped up around his head and she, once again, bit back her bottom lip and smirked at him. "I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not so bad at this, Steven."

What gave her that idea, he wondered. Could it be the _raging hard-on_ that she was sitting on?

Her movements were suddenly becoming erratic and out of sync with the music and Hyde found himself unable to maintain further control. He couldn't help but reach around and slip a hand over her damp panties as she continued to dry fuck him. "Fuck, Jackie."

Grabbing her hips next, he guided her ass down hard over the bulge in his slacks, thankful that he wasn't wearing jeans today. Then, from his vantage point, he watched her pretty little fingers tug at the bustier and slip it down enough to bare her breasts, allowing her to tweak and pinch at her nipples as she grinded feverishly and moaned out his name. "God, Steven."

Oh, shit. He was gonna cum. He didn't want to; he just hadn't had sex in months and this… this was wrong, which made it really fucking hot. Fuck…

_Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing  
A ring  
I don't mean on the phone, Santa Baby  
So hurry down the chimney tonight _

Right then and there, Hyde came in his pants and a few moments later, as his erection finally softened, Jackie stopped moving and stood up. Turning around, she smiled and, cocking her head curiously to the side, looked down at the wet spot on his tan slacks. "Hmm." Hyde looked up glaringly, embarrassed as hell. "I came here to find out if Michael would enjoy his gift and…" She glanced at his pants again and grinned. "Well, I'm gonna take that as a 'yes.' Thanks for your advice, Steven!" she called out, grabbing her coat and strutting out the back door.

_Hurry down the chimney tonight _

Alone again and slightly confused, Hyde looked around the room, first at the Whos singing on his muted TV and then down at his ejaculate-filled lap, wondering what in the hell just happened.

Meanwhile, outside on the steps, Jackie was buttoning up her coat and smirking. "It won't be long now," she quietly told herself. And with a new spring in her step, she headed home to go wrap Kelso's real gift: a Rolling Stones album.

_Hurry… tonight._

The End.

**Happy Belated Christmas and Have a Naughty New Year Everyone!**

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**A/N2**: Pointless, I know, but loads of fun to write. Please review if you had any fun reading it. Oh, and I posted two other holiday one-shots. If you haven't read… please do. Take Care! 


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